FROM THE DESK OF DOCTOR B. D. SEPTIVE
The Most Self-Helpiest of all Self-Help Gurus
You can’t just sit around doing nothing and expect to be happy. Even the world’s laziest sloth won’t be happy doing nothing forever. Sure, sitting in the shade drinking rum with caramelized onions is fun for a while but, sooner or later, you will be bored stiff, and I don’t mean stiff in a good way.
Believe it or not, you are talented at something. Maybe you have a knack for color-coordinating prison garb. It could be you’re able stuff both fists into your mouth at the same time. Perhaps you can accurately predict which of your cousins will be inducted into the Arsonists Hall of Fame. Everyone’s talents are different and yours are no less valid than anyone’s.
But don’t believe all those nerds who say working toward your goal is just as good as achieving it. That’s ridiculous. Is hitting a homerun to win the game just as good as if you strike out trying? Of course not. Don’t get me wrong, trying is a good thing. You’ll never succeed if you don’t try. But you may try your best and still not succeed. Can you live with that?
Working at a job you love that pays poverty wages is fine while you’re actually doing the work. But when you get home to your basement apartment with the mud walls and artificial pets, it only makes you question your existence. That is certainly not what this book is about. This book is about asking yourself about your existence. No, it’s not the same thing. I want you to question yourself, not your existence. So when you’re squeezed into the green plastic chair watching reruns of “I Married a Manatee” you must ask yourself, “Do I want to keep doing this job I love or should I put away the blue vest?”
If you don’t have any goals, you need to get some. Actually, you need to set some. You can’t just go get some goals. It’s neither practical nor possible to get on your unicycle or your donkey and ride over to the goal store and pick some up. You have to think about your problems and set goals that will help you overcome them.
There are three levels of goals. Level one is for the totally dysfunctional. Level two is for those who wish they could cope as well as those who are totally dysfunctional. Level three is for people that are mostly functional but have the potential to snap at any moment. I will explore these three goal levels over the next few days.