FROM THE DESK OF DOCTOR B. D. SEPTIVE: The Self-Helpiest of all Self-Help Gurus
This may be the best time to ask yourself, “Who am I and why am I here?” Is it because you enjoy listening to screaming children? Are you here because you love the sweet aroma of caramel covered hot dogs? Or are you here because you’re one of the people buying an assault weapon? Maybe you’ve come in for some dental work. Maybe you crave donuts. Maybe your need for donuts has prompted your need for dental work. Or maybe you’re just seeking a vacation from the screaming kids at J-Mart.
The reason you’re here is only half the question which, of course, only gives you half an answer. The other half, as you know, is who am I? If you’re a 900 pound chuck wagon spanking your toddler with a fly swatter, you may be past the point of no return. Buy the assault weapon and use it on yourself.