When you are walking your dog

FROM THE DESK OF DOCTOR B. D. SEPTIVE: The most self-helpiest of all the self-help gurus 

            Of course, when you’re walking your dog, your dog is going to want to know why you were playing in the park, throwing Frisbees to someone else’s pup.  You can’t reason with dogs so you’ll just have to give her a treat and resign yourself to the fact that she will be shedding on the sofa whenever you leave the house.

            But who are you?  And who is your dog?  Some folks think their dogs are reincarnated relatives or celebrities.  That’s why so many of them name their bulldogs after Winston Churchill.  Listen, if you want to believe your Airedale is Uncle Charles because he barks with a lisp, that’s your business.  All I’m saying is; you have to look inside yourself.  If you look inside the dog you’re only going to find half-digested leftovers and a gallon of water from the toilet.

            But, why are you here?  You should be enjoying yourself and the dog who loves you.  Take her to Dog Day at the ballpark.  After experiencing all the intoxicating smells of hot dogs, popcorn, and urine she will surely lick your face.  Enjoy the moment and try not to compare it to the time you got licked by Beulah in accounting.