Put your hand in your pocket and pull out some lint. If there’s no lint in your pocket, check your bellybutton. Turn it over in your hand (the lint, not your bellybutton) and examine the fine texture of the threads, cloth, and yarn. Use your fingers to mold and shape it until you have a perfectly proportioned feline toupee and take it to Mr. Whiskers. When you get there, ask Mr. Whiskers if you can give it to his cat. You’ve created something from practically nothing, and made a gift for one of God’s creatures. He’ll love you for it and will thank you as only cats can. He will by rub against your ankles, purr on your lap, and use his finely sharpened claws to rip the leather off your Barco-Lounger.
Look at the grass in the park and see how green, lush and perfect it is. It’s natural and it’s beautiful. Well, it’s not really natural. All the weeds have been poisoned and someone dumps tons of water on it every other day. Certainly, fertilizer enhances the color and makes it grow. Of course somebody has to mow it at least once a week, so it’s not really natural at all. On second thought, forget the grass in the park and go to an open field where grass and weeds live together in unspoken, unbroken harmony. Observe the delicate sway of leaves and stems in the soft autumn breeze. Think of the truly beautiful force of nature and watch as the plants are ripped from their roots and eaten by cattle or a rogue band of Pomeranians.
The Other Kind of Grass
Now go back to the park and take in all the beauty of the other kind of grass. Buy a bag or two from that guy named Liberty or his girlfriend, Cold Sore. Light it on fire and experience the beauty, peace, and herbal relaxation it brings to your mind, your imagination, your taste buds. Enjoy the laughter when it comes and encourage others to laugh along with you. There is no reason to explain why you are laughing. They’ll forget in about eight seconds anyway. Just take in all the beauty that floats by and feel it massage your multi-colored brain cells.
NEXT TIME: Finding the beauty in your colonoscopy.