Feel the Wind in Your Hair

From the desk of Doctor B. D. Septive - The Most Self-Helpiest of all Self-Help Gurus

             If you still haven’t figured out who you are or why you’re here, try this exercise.  It is guaranteed to get you one step closer to your goal than the last step you took and one step farther away than the next.  If you listen, you shall hear.  If you look, you shall see.  If you smell, you shall be repulsed.

            Go outdoors and feel the wind in your hair.  If it’s not a windy day, stand in front of a fan.  No, don’t just stand there; turn it on.  If that’s too difficult, drive with your head out the window the way your Cocker Spaniel does.  Whether it’s you or Princess driving with your heads out the window, please wear goggles.  There’s nothing worse than having your eyes pummeled with bugs, pebbles, or dirty diapers.  I understand few things are more interesting to a Cocker Spaniel than a dirty diaper but even a dog would rather not have that in her eyes.  It’s hard enough to change lanes or make a right turn with your head out the window.  Don’t try to do it in a poop mask.

             When you return home from your excursion, you and Princess should change places for the day.  You can chase your tail for twenty-four hours straight and she can enjoy your furniture without listening to you obsess about shedding and muddy footprints.  But that’s not all.  With her sense of smell and your ability to spot potential mates, ponder the possibilities.  Of course, while you talk to that cute guy you must resist the urge to lick.