Sunday, February 12, 2012

Find the Beauty in Your Colonoscopy

From the Desk of Doctor B. D. Septive
The Most Self-Helpiest of All Self-Help Gurus

            When it’s time for your colonoscopy you can forget about all the enemas or laxative preparation you had to go through to get yourself ready.  Sit quietly and prepare yourself to answer the same questions five or six times about allergies, who will drive you home, and why you wear Spiderman boxers.  Smile in your heart because the beautiful, powerful anaesthesia is on its way and, with it, your ticket to Hallucination City.      
            Remember the last dream you experienced under the influence of hospital quality tranquilizers?  It was that doozy about Helga and her encounter with your roommate.  Sure, you remember.  It’s the one where she said she would never see him again.  But she came over the next day, planted contraband in the sofa, and called the cops when your roommate was in the bathroom.  But when the police arrived they arrested her because, wrapped around her neck was a live chinchilla.  Relax, reorganize, and enjoy the moment.

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