Tuesday, October 18, 2011

When you break up laughing while your boss is reprimanding you

FROM THE DESK OF DOCTOR B. D. SEPTIVE:  The Most Self-Helpiest of all Self-Help Gurus

            What better time is there to know “who you are” than when you are in trouble at work?  Are you the job?   Of course not, but that’s what your boss wants you to be.  He expects you to work night and day for no raise, no recognition, and no sending copies of your butt to Muriel, the receptionist.  He wants you to work much longer and harder than he does and he expects to pay you much less.  And who shirks responsibility more than him?  When he’s the last to leave does he ever feed the Yorkie-Poo attack dogs?  Does he ever give his mother the day off so she can have her extra toe removed?  And don’t you think it’s high time he got something for all those children who live in the basement and run the machines?  He also believes it’s just fine to send his own butt copies to Muriel, a behavior you feel is highly disturbing, seeing as how Muriel is his brother.  
             But no one will put you down for laughing at the boss.  It is perfectly understandable.  When was the last time he actually had a good idea that wasn’t someone else’s first?   He knows it, you know it, and he knows you know it.  But are you laughing at what he’s telling you or are you laughing at his new vinyl toupee? 
            If something is funny you must laugh.  If you don’t laugh, you risk causing great tension which, everyone knows, can lead to brain tumors in mice.  So you’d better laugh, especially if you have pet mice.  If something is funny laughing is natural and healthy, not just for you but for those around you.  Nobody wants to work with, live with, or play with somebody who can’t laugh.  What is the first thing mentioned on every single person’s online dating profile?  It’s “I love to laugh”.  So, even if you aren’t laughing there is someone, somewhere who is and you should be proud of them. 
            Of course there are those of you who will choose to hold it in.   But you’ll only be stifling yourself, your spontaneity, your very life’s energy.  If you’re drinking something at the same time, you’re stifling the opportunity to do a spit take right on the boss man’s twelve hundred dollar suit.
             So, go on.  Laugh in your boss’s face.  He has no life anyway.  His wife and kids hate him because he’s rarely home and when he is they criticize him or ask him for money.  Is that what you want your life to be?  If so, drain your Scotch and   formaldehyde and order another.  There’s always room on the commuter train to Oblivion.  But maybe Oblivion isn’t good enough for you.  If not, you have finally started asking yourself the right questions.

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