Thursday, July 28, 2011

My first blog

            Here it is July 28, 2011 and I have decided to be a blogger, a blog man, a person of blogishness.  Why?  Because I

 have so many things to share.  But not nearly as many as my close, personal, imaginary friend, Doctor B.D. Septive.

            Doctor Septive has degrees from many different colleges including the world renowned Preposterous University in the charming, little hamlet of Flying Pig, Wyoming.   While studying at P.U. Doctor took many trips to the State of Confusion and, as such, was elected chairman of the Denizens of Preposterous Enjoyment (DOPE).  Active in sports, Doctor was also captain of the university’s electric football team.                
            In his junior year, Doctor founded the organization Nude Under Their Suits (NUTS) which made it their mission to expose lawmakers, provosts, and lawmakers’ provosts.  In the first year of the organization’s existence more than five thousand members of congress were found to be walking around naked under their clothes.                      
            As the most famous graduate of Preposterous U., Doctor travels the country espousing the benefits of an education from any and all non-existent entities.  When Doctor is not writing books or lecturing, he is actively involved in the Center for Reality As Paradox (CRAP).  The center is in its fourteenth year of looking for a place to meet.  
           At this point I must throw in a word of caution because Doctor Septive is not actually a physician or a PhD.  His first name is Doctor.  Therefore, you must understand this blog is not meant to be a substitute for medication, physicians, talk therapy, touch therapy, gelatin therapy, slap in the face with a wet paint brush therapy, eye poking therapy, or waterboarding.  If you’re depressed, see a doctor; a real doctor.   If your doctor’s depressed, see a mime.  If your mime’s depressed break that invisible box he’s stuck in.  Stop reading this blog if you experience a fever higher than 160 degrees and seek immediate help for any sneeze lasting longer than four hours.
          Over the next several weeks I will be sharing Doctor's expertise as the self-helpiest of all self-help gurus.  Our mission together will be to help all of us to be better people or at least stop spending half of each day drawing pictures of dead clowns.
         See ya next time.  Please come back.  It's so lonely in cyberspace.
         Dave Kelley

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