More on Karma

If something bad happened to you yesterday it’s because you did something bad yourself.  If you can’t remember doing anything bad then it happened in a previous life, or a small part of your brain may have been removed when you weren’t paying attention.  In 1975 Vladimir Borshamoy wrote about a very interesting phenomenon concerning small parts of people’s brains being removed through their pants.  In the scientific world this phenomenon is known as cranial flatulence or, in layman’s terms, brain fart.  Typically, these occur while giving presentations to important clients or during political debates.

            On the other hand, if something good happened to you it is because you did something good and the universe has sent some goodness back.  If you can’t remember doing something good then it happened during a previous life or when you were removing part of someone’s brain through their pants.  Let’s say you are a really rotten guy, a child molester or a CEO who closed a factory so he could build it somewhere that people work for twelve cents an hour.  If good things keep happening to you over and over again, it’s because of all the good stuff you did when you were living in ancient Greece working in the livery stable with Constantine Papasopoulos.

            So, here’s the deal and it’s a pretty good deal for you.  If you want good things to happen, just do some good things.  You see, the more you give, the more you get.  Of course, it’s possible that you can do a million nice things and nothing good will happen to you until your next life.  But what have you got to lose?  Is it going to hurt you to be nice to Cousin Commando, even though he has made no secret of all the different ways he wants to kill you in your sleep?  Besides, wait until his next life when he’s an aardvark in Botswana being chased by a 600 pound lion or swallowed whole by a python.  Who will be smiling then?  Well, you better not be smiling about it.  If you do, the karma universe genie will smite you with something terrible like a huge boil on your face or an afternoon with a Scientologist.

            So, the point of all this is that if you can’t be bothered to do something nice for someone unless you get something in return, stop worrying. The universe will send it back to you.  That’s because the universe is always at your beck and call because you deserve it.