Eat Something Organic

            I know it costs more, but it’s worth it.  It tastes a lot better and it’s much less harmful to Mother Earth.  But why do we say Mother Earth?  Why not Father Earth, Grandma Earth, or Crazy Uncle Twisted Earth who lives in the root cellar because it's closer to Hell?  If his greatest desire is to sit a few steps up the staircase from eternal fire and damnation I suppose that’s his own business. But must he continually create Hell on Earth for those around him?  Next time you go down there, ask why he insists on chewing tobacco and spitting the juice on the wall.  And don’t buy his stupid story about creating an abstract expressionist painting of Custer’s Last Stand.  He knows full well Custer never wore a top hat and tails on the battlefield.