When you’re in a class and the instructor is dressed like a sock monkey

 FROM THE DESK OF DOCTOR B. D. SEPTIVE: The Self-Helpiest of all Self-Help Gurus

            Why are you here, in this class, with Mr. Tweed?  Why are you also wearing tweed?  And how much tweed does one really need?  I can understand a tweed jacket, it’s very professorial.  But tweed pants?  Tweed shoes?  Would it kill him to wear a solid colored suit once?

            It’s one thing to have a professor who is smoking a pipe, wearing a beard and a tweed jacket with patches on the elbows.  It’s another thing entirely to see him when he’s not wearing his beard and jacket.  Do you really think that beard’s a fake?  I’ll give you fifty bucks to yank on it like you’re six-years-old and he’s Santa.  You know you want to pull off that beard and, yet, you can’t.  So you have to ask yourself, “Why can’t I do it?  Why can’t I do what I want to do?”  Well, I’ll tell why.  Because, sometimes, what you want to do is highly inappropriate.  I’m not even going to bring up what happened with you and Lester in the catamaran. 

            So you have to ask yourself, “Why can’t I distinguish between what’s appropriate public behavior and what isn’t?  Was it my upbringing?  An influential teacher or coach?  Perhaps I should have turned down that invitation from the missionaries.” 

            Just the fact that you’re asking yourself these tough, thought provoking questions shows how much you’ve grown since page one.  Do I mean page one of this blog or page one of your life?  Only you can decide.  Because you already know.